Series of unfortunate events...

I've been rather unlucky for the past few days or at least unlucky to see accidents happening. Last night i was heading back home from a friend's place when i suddenly saw flashing lights in front of me. That was at Damuan Recreation area along Jalan Tutong. As i approached nearer, i saw cars parked just on the side of the roads with their emergency signals on. Thought it could be a roadblock or something but lo and behold, i saw a whole bunch of jobless Bruneians taking pictures / videos of an accident scene. When i drove past the scene and took a quick glance at the smashed up car, i was certain that the driver / front passenger couldn't have survived the impact. And today's papers confirmed it.

Just a few days ago, there was another accident that took the life of a government official around the same area too. I think it's about time that the authorities do something about the Damuan road area. I heard rumours about 'spirits' and how 'dirty' that stretch of road can be but i'll be more realistic here. I'm not talking about 'those stuffs'. No, I'm talking about the damn trees along the stretch of Damuan road. Like seriously, with no disrespect to those who support the environment but i just think those bloody trees are wayyy too healthy. So healthy that when cars hit it, it doesn't even fall at all but instead, people die.

That's not all. Today after having lunch in The Mall with a bunch of people who totally ran out of place to go for lunch, we saw something horrifying. See, if you have a child in a stroller and you're going down an escalator, you do not just let go of the stroller when you're going down and hope that it'll find it's own point of balance or something. You hold on to the stroller. But i have no idea whether the mother was careless or just plain stupid to let go of the stroller, the whole thing (yes with the baby in it) just flipped 180 degrees and fell flat face first on the escalator. The moment i saw that happened, i just felt woobly. Unlike the rest of the people in The Mall, we decide not to see too much of what happen next. It's just too painful. Yes, there was blood. Poor kid.

Off the record, just thought i'd rant on something a bit that i don't usually do. Well not on this blog, but since this will be my last time i figured what's there to lose anyway?

Have you ever felt like God has placed someone special in your heart? Someone whom you usually see here and there that looks pretty normal all these while but suddenly, it seemed like she has become the most beautiful creation God has ever made after you've prayed hard for God to provide. So after months of getting to know her and realizing that she could be 'the one', you start planning ahead. How things are going to turn out between the both of you, you see her next to you glorifying Him with you in church, where you guys will go for holidays, random hangouts, family and friend dinners, etc but reality is...she's just a friend. So you tell yourself to be patient because He will make a way but after a year and a half later, unexpected things happen just when you think it was going alright. Seems like God has not only placed her in your heart but probably in the hearts of others as well. And so you decide to take a step back. Not because you want to give up just like that but rather, you figured it'd be the best for her that she could probably find happiness with another. Sacrifice. But for now you're barely holding on to that little hope, that little wish inside you, hoping and praying that things could be better again and that she'll sees you somehow.

"When you love someone, you gotta learn to let them go..." - Stevie.B

There are some things in life which i'll never understand. Love will always be one of them. Why do you have to let go of someone when you really love them? Why can't the person just love you back the way you love them? Why can't God just leave a mark on us to point out the specific person you'll build your future with? Why this sort of feeling when you choose to let go of someone? Why go through so much just to end up being shattered? Why me? And why you?

Sigh. I've done what i've could. Now what's left is to pick up the broken pieces of what i've gotten myself into. Nah, i won't blame you. I will never ever blame you. And don't you ever blame yourself. I blame myself for being stupid. Stupid enough to think that i thought i could measure up to who you see when i can only be me. Stupid enough to fall for you when i knew you would never feel the same but somehow, i just decide to risk my heart and emotions. Stupid enough to go through this stupid feeling when you could probably be thinking right now why in the world should i do this to myself anyway? Tell me i'm just being stupid and not being in love. There's nothing much i can do to change certain facts now i guess, but i'll just leave it all to Him. If it is really His will, i'm sure He will make a way in the future. For now, i just can't believe my life is like a sad love song.


Yes, i am jiwang.


In Him


*added*

Just thought i edit my post a bit and also change the song for a while. You can say the song partially describes how i feel maybe? Music...it somehow helps you ease the pain just a little bit. Not much but just a wee bit. Yeap. Sad love song indeed...

Cover On My Heart

Everyday feels all the same
9 to 5 gets so mundane
But something breaks with just one glimpse of you
I would stare so long awhile
Trying to tell you with my eyes
I didn't say a thing
I thought you knew
I wish I never did assume, cos...

I was gonna tell you today'
I even wrote the words I would say
I finally found the courage
But now it's too far
It took me all this time to reveal
What everything about you does to me
So tell me why did I keep a cover on my heart

Spend all night trying to explore just
How I'd tell you I adore ya
And how I'm moved by every word you say
But today there's an empty space
I've found you gone without a trace
I wish that I could told you yesterday
Maybe then you would've stayed...

It feels like my point of existence
Has vanished with you in the distance
Whatever it takes
I'll persist
Till I see your face again...

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