3 days ago...

I walked around feeling lost for the past few days. Like a dead soul looking for a place in this world to cling on to. "This is going to be hard!", i muttered under my breath.

I sat down in a cool manner pretending that nothing's wrong with me. They were already halfway through their meals. "So late also?", one of them asked. I fidget a bit.

"Stay calm, be normal, calm, normal, calm, normal...."

Those words kept running through my head. I shrugged it off and said gave the excuse that i was a bit busy at the bank. Ah yes, the bank. How did i not think of that? Little did they know that for the past hour, i've been trying hard to adjust myself to what was going on. It's only been 2 hours into the day and i felt like i was on the verge of collapsing...that i lost part of what was in me.

"You going through the same problem too?", the other asked with a grin. Eh? What is this? He looked normal. This is absurd! I tried to look for any signs or symptoms of withdrawal. He has to feel the need..like me. But i failed. He seemed clean. "Yeah...haha!", i replied forcing myself to smile like my whole world wasn't gonna explode at any second. I need to contain myself. I must not show any signs of desperation. I must get through this. I've been through this before. And now, i need to get through this again.

By the end of the day, i felt like i deserved an oscar award for putting up the best performance of my life. Part of me still could not accept the fact that this is happening. Not now. In fact it shouldn't be happening. It happened too many times before but this one is just too much. At least, i should be informed earlier on so that i could prepare myself for moment like these. I paced around my room with a thousand and one things i could think of to do but deep down inside i knew it's not the same. I could be missing out on a lot of things...no wait, i am missing out on a lot of things already. Every second counts. The clock is ticking and time is running out.

Finally, after one last attempt of pushing my luck, I couldn't take it anymore.


In Him


Nick Thien said…
You need help... for the addiction...

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